Another birthday is drawing to a close. That's fine, birthdays tend to pass as quickly as they arrived. Between my last post and today, I had nearly forgotten about my actual birthday (which seems impossible, but true).
I am content with how my day played out. I attended the second day of my practicum orientation, in which I received my share of free birthday food and candy (yes, candy - the teachers gave me candy from their "extrinsic motivation" drawers because they had nothing else to give...I love these people already). I got free coffee from three different Starbucks locations (not ashamed of abusing my birthday privileges...ask your local barista for the birthday discount). Then I came home to find that I had received an outpouring of internet love on Facebook.
As I filtered through the myriad of brief well-wishes, what I did notice was that I had NOT heard from someone who I hold very close to my heart. I know, people are busy. I know, people have lives, and some folks don't check their Facebook on a near-obsessive basis (er, not like *I* do that or anything), but that does cut me a little. Even I send out birthday wishes to 99% of the people on my Facebook when that notification comes up. But does this person care for me the way they used to care? That is currently the sad reflective question on my mind, thirty minutes until October 28th.
The outpouring of "happy birthday" that I did receive almost makes up for the notification that is startlingly, glaringly, unhappily missing.
But so this post isn't entirely melancholy, I just discovered that October 27th is also (not on a leap year) the 300th day of the year. That makes me feel extra special indeed!
EDITED: Semi-false alarm - I got belated best wishes from one of the subjects of this post today. The fact that I haven't heard from the other is probably just a symptom of larger problems. It's okay - superficial conflict and stuff. I still love you all.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Near Future, Simple Future
I feel like I haven't had enough time to process what is going to happen to me next week.
First of all, my birthday is on Wednesday. I am VERY excited. I'm not *doing* anything, but I am excited regardless. I'm going to be 25. Some people freak out when they hit 25, since it signifies that a quarter of a century has passed. For me, hitting 25 is causing me to reflect on my personal accomplishments.
There isn't really much.
Many of my colleagues in my courses have accomplished so much in their short lives; we have former ESL teachers, people who have lived and worked abroad, writers, scholarship winners, artists...and me. What are my notable accomplishments so far?
As I sit and think on this question, I find myself in my apartment. Alone. I can stare out my window and watch the Gardiner and its steady flow of life...those people have probably done more in their lives than I. I have had many dreams, big dreams...but the only dream I have ever had that has begun to blossom is my attendance at OISE. I have many big dreams that involve my heavy involvement in school culture, education, curriculum development, the business of changing lives. That's what I want to do, where I want to be. I only wish I got here sooner.
I begin my practicum in November as a History teacher. An unexpected development; I was all but completely certain that my first practicum would have me placed in a French classroom. My excitement knows no real boundaries - I get to be involved in a school, in implementing and experimenting with lessons, in finding myself within this underestimated profession. What's not to love?
Though we are taught not to compare ourselves with others, I am sitting here finding myself doing just that. I think about where many of my colleagues have been, how enriched their lives already seem to be, and I can't help experiencing a prolonged sense of longing. I wish I could have done more. More life experiences lend directly into our role as educators. I feel that I have wasted the first half of my twenties, and while some will disagree, it would be difficult to change my mind. I have a Master's Degree, so what? So do many of my colleagues. What sets me apart from my colleagues? My relative lack of outside experience. My lack of accomplishments. My lack of granted awards, extra-curriculars, a resumé complete with extra padding. These I don't have.
This feeling is common, I think it's called the quarter-life crisis.
What depresses me the most is that some of these people in my program that I admire the most are younger than me. Think for a few minutes about how that would make you feel, and it's possible you understand.
Tonight, I raise a glass. To health, to happiness, to another 25 years. To a more productive and enriching second half of my twenties.
And to you, whoever decides to take the time out of their day to read my semi-coherent words.
First of all, my birthday is on Wednesday. I am VERY excited. I'm not *doing* anything, but I am excited regardless. I'm going to be 25. Some people freak out when they hit 25, since it signifies that a quarter of a century has passed. For me, hitting 25 is causing me to reflect on my personal accomplishments.
There isn't really much.
Many of my colleagues in my courses have accomplished so much in their short lives; we have former ESL teachers, people who have lived and worked abroad, writers, scholarship winners, artists...and me. What are my notable accomplishments so far?
As I sit and think on this question, I find myself in my apartment. Alone. I can stare out my window and watch the Gardiner and its steady flow of life...those people have probably done more in their lives than I. I have had many dreams, big dreams...but the only dream I have ever had that has begun to blossom is my attendance at OISE. I have many big dreams that involve my heavy involvement in school culture, education, curriculum development, the business of changing lives. That's what I want to do, where I want to be. I only wish I got here sooner.
I begin my practicum in November as a History teacher. An unexpected development; I was all but completely certain that my first practicum would have me placed in a French classroom. My excitement knows no real boundaries - I get to be involved in a school, in implementing and experimenting with lessons, in finding myself within this underestimated profession. What's not to love?
Though we are taught not to compare ourselves with others, I am sitting here finding myself doing just that. I think about where many of my colleagues have been, how enriched their lives already seem to be, and I can't help experiencing a prolonged sense of longing. I wish I could have done more. More life experiences lend directly into our role as educators. I feel that I have wasted the first half of my twenties, and while some will disagree, it would be difficult to change my mind. I have a Master's Degree, so what? So do many of my colleagues. What sets me apart from my colleagues? My relative lack of outside experience. My lack of accomplishments. My lack of granted awards, extra-curriculars, a resumé complete with extra padding. These I don't have.
This feeling is common, I think it's called the quarter-life crisis.
What depresses me the most is that some of these people in my program that I admire the most are younger than me. Think for a few minutes about how that would make you feel, and it's possible you understand.
Tonight, I raise a glass. To health, to happiness, to another 25 years. To a more productive and enriching second half of my twenties.
And to you, whoever decides to take the time out of their day to read my semi-coherent words.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Procrastination
This week is going to probably be one of my most stressful weeks of the semester. I have a lesson plan and a grammar worksheet (of sorts) due on Friday, a group presentation Thursday and I am spending all day tomorrow at a high school.
You'd think I'd be working.
Nope.
It's not exactly a want for motivation, per se. I am simply a chronic procrastinator. I have always been this way. Somehow, a switch just goes off in my head when it's time for me to not work, and instead I find myself trolling the internet, watching TV with my cat, reading, or indulging myself with unearned video game time. I also tend to fall victim to the "I can't work with a messy condo" syndrome and end up doing a full clean sweep of the whole living space, most of which ends up being completely unnecessary. I think everyone does that.
This blog is more or less a procrastination piece. Food for thought.
In other news, I found out about my practicum! I get to teach history!
EEP.
Here I was, panicking about whether or not I knew enough about French to justify me teaching it, and now I need to shift that panic toward figuring out whether or not I know enough about CANADIAN HISTORY to justify teaching that as well. Our wonderful professor gave us some strategies and book recommendations to get our Canadian history knowledge in check, so I hope to be able to work on some of that before Orientation next week. We'll see. It's bad enough that my lesson plan is going to be for a unit that I already find relatively dull, now the odds are very high that I will be relegated to TEACHING it next month. Sounds like it is time for me to develop strategies to make history fun.
I don't think I can justify sitting on my butt any longer, I gotta get back to work.
I'll post more fruitfully when I'm not buried under giant mounds of work.
Ciao!
You'd think I'd be working.
Nope.
It's not exactly a want for motivation, per se. I am simply a chronic procrastinator. I have always been this way. Somehow, a switch just goes off in my head when it's time for me to not work, and instead I find myself trolling the internet, watching TV with my cat, reading, or indulging myself with unearned video game time. I also tend to fall victim to the "I can't work with a messy condo" syndrome and end up doing a full clean sweep of the whole living space, most of which ends up being completely unnecessary. I think everyone does that.
This blog is more or less a procrastination piece. Food for thought.
In other news, I found out about my practicum! I get to teach history!
EEP.
Here I was, panicking about whether or not I knew enough about French to justify me teaching it, and now I need to shift that panic toward figuring out whether or not I know enough about CANADIAN HISTORY to justify teaching that as well. Our wonderful professor gave us some strategies and book recommendations to get our Canadian history knowledge in check, so I hope to be able to work on some of that before Orientation next week. We'll see. It's bad enough that my lesson plan is going to be for a unit that I already find relatively dull, now the odds are very high that I will be relegated to TEACHING it next month. Sounds like it is time for me to develop strategies to make history fun.
I don't think I can justify sitting on my butt any longer, I gotta get back to work.
I'll post more fruitfully when I'm not buried under giant mounds of work.
Ciao!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thanksgiving
It's *amazing* how much more productive I am when I feel sick. I decided to stay home from school today, since when I woke up this morning, I was achy, I had little-to-no appetite, and it felt as if I was nursing a hangover when I hadn't so much as had a single drop of alcohol the previous evening. Since I am trying very very hard to keep myself as healthy as possible, I took this as my queue to take a personal day, catch up on some sleep, and medicate appropriately so I might feel better in time for Thanksgiving.
13 hours later, I do feel 100% better. If I had some kind of bug, it left before it could outstay its welcome.
And it is kinda funny...we have a lesson plan due next Friday for my FSL class, and I think I'm almost done mine already. I spent about an hour on it this evening, since I already had an idea of what I wanted to do, and aside from completely laying it out and ironing out the creases, I think I have a solid lesson plan complete. I guess forcing yourself to be confined to a certain space for an afternoon can help one's productivity.
But as I was working, I was thinking in the back of my mind about Thanksgiving, as my ultimate goal for today was to feel better before my first dinner tomorrow night. I composed a list of things I am thankful for this year.
"What I am thankful for", 2010 Edition:
* Transitioning into my life in Toronto in a somewhat seamless fashion;
* Meeting the fantastic people in my program (and some less-than-fantastic individuals, because even they bring joy in the form of laughter or anecdotes over alcohol);
* The school for whom I am currently volunteering before November, since they have been a great model so far for me and a decent gauge of expectations before my first practicum;
* S, as S is my rock, and that person who helps me keep my feet on the ground, even if he does so while playing video games or engaging in various other forms of nerdiness;
* My cat, because studies show that petting a cat can help lower your blood pressure, and man did I ever need lowering of my blood pressure A LOT since last Thanksgiving;
* The Starbucks by my house, because most of the baristas know me by name, they always genuinely ask about my day, and are fantastic people in and of themselves;
* My family, who tries very hard to help me out even though I should be completely financially independent by now, and who doesn't mind it when I take whirlwind trips home to have them guide me through bureaucratic nonsense that I simply can't seem to handle by myself;
* My online family, those people I hang out with in video games or simply over MSN or AIM, since I have made and maintained valuable friendships because of certain online universes.
Of course, I've probably missed something, or lots of things, but this is a sampling of what I am thankful for this year. Have you thought about what you're thankful for yet?
Well, if you're American, you technically don't have to think about it yet. Whatever, just humour me a little.
13 hours later, I do feel 100% better. If I had some kind of bug, it left before it could outstay its welcome.
And it is kinda funny...we have a lesson plan due next Friday for my FSL class, and I think I'm almost done mine already. I spent about an hour on it this evening, since I already had an idea of what I wanted to do, and aside from completely laying it out and ironing out the creases, I think I have a solid lesson plan complete. I guess forcing yourself to be confined to a certain space for an afternoon can help one's productivity.
But as I was working, I was thinking in the back of my mind about Thanksgiving, as my ultimate goal for today was to feel better before my first dinner tomorrow night. I composed a list of things I am thankful for this year.
"What I am thankful for", 2010 Edition:
* Transitioning into my life in Toronto in a somewhat seamless fashion;
* Meeting the fantastic people in my program (and some less-than-fantastic individuals, because even they bring joy in the form of laughter or anecdotes over alcohol);
* The school for whom I am currently volunteering before November, since they have been a great model so far for me and a decent gauge of expectations before my first practicum;
* S, as S is my rock, and that person who helps me keep my feet on the ground, even if he does so while playing video games or engaging in various other forms of nerdiness;
* My cat, because studies show that petting a cat can help lower your blood pressure, and man did I ever need lowering of my blood pressure A LOT since last Thanksgiving;
* The Starbucks by my house, because most of the baristas know me by name, they always genuinely ask about my day, and are fantastic people in and of themselves;
* My family, who tries very hard to help me out even though I should be completely financially independent by now, and who doesn't mind it when I take whirlwind trips home to have them guide me through bureaucratic nonsense that I simply can't seem to handle by myself;
* My online family, those people I hang out with in video games or simply over MSN or AIM, since I have made and maintained valuable friendships because of certain online universes.
Of course, I've probably missed something, or lots of things, but this is a sampling of what I am thankful for this year. Have you thought about what you're thankful for yet?
Well, if you're American, you technically don't have to think about it yet. Whatever, just humour me a little.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
This is not a post.
So, I have decided to do a bit of reflecting upon the last few weeks of school, and also talk briefly of the madness to come.
Teacher's College has been fantastic thus far. We're in our first week of October, and I am facing about the same amount of workload that I expected to be facing when I applied to Teacher's College in the first place. If you look in my planner, you'll see that each Tuesday (and to a lesser extent, each Thursday and Friday) of each week in October has a little sticker on it. A sticker means that I have to do something or hand something in. That's right, I basically have between 2-3 things to hand in or to do each week this month.
Our narrator calmly sips from her tall cafe mocha from Starbucks. Mmmm...consumerism.
It hasn't fazed me so far. Yeah, there's a lot to do. But I keep reminding myself that I just got finished writing a paper that was about the size of a small apartment before I started Teacher's College. I changed the topic of said paper after already doing a whole semester of research, causing me to start an entire Master's-level thesis paper from scratch...twice. In doing so, I developed stupidly amazing time management skills since this time last year, I was balancing 6 hours of class with about 3-4 hours of related reading per course each week, PLUS TAing for a demanding survey course in the Classics department, spending between 5-6 hours per week attending the aforementioned class or assisting students or grading or creating exam questions or preparing my guest lecture, PLUS RESEARCHING FOR THE PAPER I NEEDED TO WRITE BEFORE APRIL TO GRADUATE IN EVERY EXTRA HOUR OF EVERY DAY. Let's also not forget the nights I stayed up late, terrified to go to sleep, since I'd have to wake up the next day and complete another 16-17 hour day of class/TAing/researching/beginning outlines and drafts.
Our intrepid narrator continues calmly sipping coffee.
So, you see...while there's a lot to do, I'm not exactly worried. I am in a much better mental state than this time last year.
Oh yes, I wanted to talk more about Teacher's College. We are asked, as teacher candidates (I love that saying - teacher candidates...reminds me of MA candidate, which I was just last year) to put in 10-15 hours of volunteer work at a high school in our area. We are assigned to a teacher, much like our practicum, but we won't be responsible for lessons...simply hanging out in the classroom, observing how the teacher does things, helping students as necessary, and maybe leading an activity with a class, if there is time/space to do so. The teacher I get to hang out with for this volunteer project, I feel, is basically me 10 years into the future.
Seriously, she even looks like me.
We have the same attitude about teaching, she maintains her classes in about the same way I would like to maintain mine...it's like my TES instructor paired me off with someone who not only matched my teachable, but my personality. The students are fantastic, and do revere her with more respect than I tend to see given to FSL instructors. I kinda half-assedly hope one of my practicums ends up in that school, no joke.
Speaking of practicum, could I be more excited for that or what? I find out in only nine days where my first practicum will be held, and whether it will be for my first teachable (French) or my second teachable (History). I understand that when I actually get to my practicum, the difficulty level will shoot through the roof. We basically get thrown into the deep end, and we'll have to stay on top of our collective games by creating coherent and interesting lesson plans which we will test drive on our students, and we will have to practise whatever skills we have developed in classroom management. (Thank goodness I attended a workshop about classroom management earlier last month instead of going home to sleep like I so desperately wanted to do.) We will also get to help with extracurricular activities, one of the aspects of practicum for which I am almost the most excited.
I attended a workshop last night on integrating web pages into our instruction, and it just got me so excited to carve out my niche as a teacher. It seems like a random tangent, but honestly...I hope to develop a classroom website when I get started, so that my students can do things like collect handouts they missed from being absent, or check out neat content-related links I post up there. I'm excited about developing a rapport with students, and about using technology to help them develop their own intrinsic motivation. It's all just awesome.
So that's where I'm at right now. Teacher's College is awesome. There's a lot to do, but I'm managing, and I get more and more excited each day to see what I will do in a classroom setting.
Teacher's College has been fantastic thus far. We're in our first week of October, and I am facing about the same amount of workload that I expected to be facing when I applied to Teacher's College in the first place. If you look in my planner, you'll see that each Tuesday (and to a lesser extent, each Thursday and Friday) of each week in October has a little sticker on it. A sticker means that I have to do something or hand something in. That's right, I basically have between 2-3 things to hand in or to do each week this month.
Our narrator calmly sips from her tall cafe mocha from Starbucks. Mmmm...consumerism.
It hasn't fazed me so far. Yeah, there's a lot to do. But I keep reminding myself that I just got finished writing a paper that was about the size of a small apartment before I started Teacher's College. I changed the topic of said paper after already doing a whole semester of research, causing me to start an entire Master's-level thesis paper from scratch...twice. In doing so, I developed stupidly amazing time management skills since this time last year, I was balancing 6 hours of class with about 3-4 hours of related reading per course each week, PLUS TAing for a demanding survey course in the Classics department, spending between 5-6 hours per week attending the aforementioned class or assisting students or grading or creating exam questions or preparing my guest lecture, PLUS RESEARCHING FOR THE PAPER I NEEDED TO WRITE BEFORE APRIL TO GRADUATE IN EVERY EXTRA HOUR OF EVERY DAY. Let's also not forget the nights I stayed up late, terrified to go to sleep, since I'd have to wake up the next day and complete another 16-17 hour day of class/TAing/researching/beginning outlines and drafts.
Our intrepid narrator continues calmly sipping coffee.
So, you see...while there's a lot to do, I'm not exactly worried. I am in a much better mental state than this time last year.
Oh yes, I wanted to talk more about Teacher's College. We are asked, as teacher candidates (I love that saying - teacher candidates...reminds me of MA candidate, which I was just last year) to put in 10-15 hours of volunteer work at a high school in our area. We are assigned to a teacher, much like our practicum, but we won't be responsible for lessons...simply hanging out in the classroom, observing how the teacher does things, helping students as necessary, and maybe leading an activity with a class, if there is time/space to do so. The teacher I get to hang out with for this volunteer project, I feel, is basically me 10 years into the future.
Seriously, she even looks like me.
We have the same attitude about teaching, she maintains her classes in about the same way I would like to maintain mine...it's like my TES instructor paired me off with someone who not only matched my teachable, but my personality. The students are fantastic, and do revere her with more respect than I tend to see given to FSL instructors. I kinda half-assedly hope one of my practicums ends up in that school, no joke.
Speaking of practicum, could I be more excited for that or what? I find out in only nine days where my first practicum will be held, and whether it will be for my first teachable (French) or my second teachable (History). I understand that when I actually get to my practicum, the difficulty level will shoot through the roof. We basically get thrown into the deep end, and we'll have to stay on top of our collective games by creating coherent and interesting lesson plans which we will test drive on our students, and we will have to practise whatever skills we have developed in classroom management. (Thank goodness I attended a workshop about classroom management earlier last month instead of going home to sleep like I so desperately wanted to do.) We will also get to help with extracurricular activities, one of the aspects of practicum for which I am almost the most excited.
I attended a workshop last night on integrating web pages into our instruction, and it just got me so excited to carve out my niche as a teacher. It seems like a random tangent, but honestly...I hope to develop a classroom website when I get started, so that my students can do things like collect handouts they missed from being absent, or check out neat content-related links I post up there. I'm excited about developing a rapport with students, and about using technology to help them develop their own intrinsic motivation. It's all just awesome.
So that's where I'm at right now. Teacher's College is awesome. There's a lot to do, but I'm managing, and I get more and more excited each day to see what I will do in a classroom setting.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Current Events
Raymond Chase Commits Suicide, Fifth Gay Youth to Take Life in Three Weeks.
I didn't want to stumble upon this headline while cruising my typical news websites before going to bed. Despite the fact that I am so very tired after a long week of school, I want to say something about the series of tragedies that have occurred in the LGBT community over the last few weeks.
Raymond Chase is the fifth in recent weeks to take his life. Four others preceeded him; one freshman in college, a 15 year-old, and two (*two*) 13 year-olds. By no means, unfortunately, does the fact that so many have committed suicide recently represent a terribly recent trend; gay and lesbian teens are at basically the highest risk of succumbing to suicidal thoughts. Why?
Unfortunately, what these boys have in common is the fact that they were all driven to suicide because of some form of bullying. Bullying is a major concern these days, and people have been speaking out about it in an effort to raise awareness and *do* something about it. I was bullied as a child, and while the majority of it had passed by the time I reached age 13 (the youngest age of those boys who took their lives), it certainly left its mark on my self-esteem and on my psyche as a whole.
While it's highly esoteric and slightly unrealistic to say that bullying can be eradicated, I believe it is possible for students who do bully to learn acceptance. A friend of mine recently stated that the act of acceptance is preferable to the trend of "tolerance". It is far more agreeable for folks to accept LGBT people for who they are than to simply tolerate it. Sadly, many people are still at the "tolerate" stage, and have yet to move on to acceptance. But if we can even get people to that point, I think that is a major leap in the right direction.
As a future teacher, one of the things I want to do is participate in my school's version of the LGBT Student Alliance. I feel it is important for students who finally come to terms with their sexuality to feel comfortable and accepted in some way, and if they do get bullied because of their self-realization, I believe it is important to remind them that it does get better.
I hope to help spread that message someday, especially as someone who is the "B" in LGBT.
May those who are bullied for their sexuality be filled with inner strength, and may those who suffered and fell at their own hands find peace wherever they find their spiritual resting place. My thoughts are with the families of the deceased, and I hope that acceptance becomes more prevalent in this world.
I didn't want to stumble upon this headline while cruising my typical news websites before going to bed. Despite the fact that I am so very tired after a long week of school, I want to say something about the series of tragedies that have occurred in the LGBT community over the last few weeks.
Raymond Chase is the fifth in recent weeks to take his life. Four others preceeded him; one freshman in college, a 15 year-old, and two (*two*) 13 year-olds. By no means, unfortunately, does the fact that so many have committed suicide recently represent a terribly recent trend; gay and lesbian teens are at basically the highest risk of succumbing to suicidal thoughts. Why?
Unfortunately, what these boys have in common is the fact that they were all driven to suicide because of some form of bullying. Bullying is a major concern these days, and people have been speaking out about it in an effort to raise awareness and *do* something about it. I was bullied as a child, and while the majority of it had passed by the time I reached age 13 (the youngest age of those boys who took their lives), it certainly left its mark on my self-esteem and on my psyche as a whole.
While it's highly esoteric and slightly unrealistic to say that bullying can be eradicated, I believe it is possible for students who do bully to learn acceptance. A friend of mine recently stated that the act of acceptance is preferable to the trend of "tolerance". It is far more agreeable for folks to accept LGBT people for who they are than to simply tolerate it. Sadly, many people are still at the "tolerate" stage, and have yet to move on to acceptance. But if we can even get people to that point, I think that is a major leap in the right direction.
As a future teacher, one of the things I want to do is participate in my school's version of the LGBT Student Alliance. I feel it is important for students who finally come to terms with their sexuality to feel comfortable and accepted in some way, and if they do get bullied because of their self-realization, I believe it is important to remind them that it does get better.
I hope to help spread that message someday, especially as someone who is the "B" in LGBT.
May those who are bullied for their sexuality be filled with inner strength, and may those who suffered and fell at their own hands find peace wherever they find their spiritual resting place. My thoughts are with the families of the deceased, and I hope that acceptance becomes more prevalent in this world.
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