Near Future, Simple Future

I feel like I haven't had enough time to process what is going to happen to me next week.

First of all, my birthday is on Wednesday. I am VERY excited. I'm not *doing* anything, but I am excited regardless. I'm going to be 25. Some people freak out when they hit 25, since it signifies that a quarter of a century has passed. For me, hitting 25 is causing me to reflect on my personal accomplishments.

There isn't really much.

Many of my colleagues in my courses have accomplished so much in their short lives; we have former ESL teachers, people who have lived and worked abroad, writers, scholarship winners, artists...and me. What are my notable accomplishments so far?

As I sit and think on this question, I find myself in my apartment. Alone. I can stare out my window and watch the Gardiner and its steady flow of life...those people have probably done more in their lives than I. I have had many dreams, big dreams...but the only dream I have ever had that has begun to blossom is my attendance at OISE. I have many big dreams that involve my heavy involvement in school culture, education, curriculum development, the business of changing lives. That's what I want to do, where I want to be. I only wish I got here sooner.

I begin my practicum in November as a History teacher. An unexpected development; I was all but completely certain that my first practicum would have me placed in a French classroom. My excitement knows no real boundaries - I get to be involved in a school, in implementing and experimenting with lessons, in finding myself within this underestimated profession. What's not to love?

Though we are taught not to compare ourselves with others, I am sitting here finding myself doing just that. I think about where many of my colleagues have been, how enriched their lives already seem to be, and I can't help experiencing a prolonged sense of longing. I wish I could have done more. More life experiences lend directly into our role as educators. I feel that I have wasted the first half of my twenties, and while some will disagree, it would be difficult to change my mind. I have a Master's Degree, so what? So do many of my colleagues. What sets me apart from my colleagues? My relative lack of outside experience. My lack of accomplishments. My lack of granted awards, extra-curriculars, a resumé complete with extra padding. These I don't have.

This feeling is common, I think it's called the quarter-life crisis.

What depresses me the most is that some of these people in my program that I admire the most are younger than me. Think for a few minutes about how that would make you feel, and it's possible you understand.

Tonight, I raise a glass. To health, to happiness, to another 25 years. To a more productive and enriching second half of my twenties.

And to you, whoever decides to take the time out of their day to read my semi-coherent words.